Is Being Married Really Worth It?
After lacking a blog inspiration, I cheated and went on Pinterest for blog ideas. What I found had me really excited. It is a 30 day challenge, that gives ME the topics to write about. Well, I tried it before and it’s just not for me; however some of the topics are things I would like to share.
So here goes nothing! The first topic was to talk about my current relationship.
My current relationship is complex; I think any relationship is. I have been married since May 2010, and the last 3+ years have been challenging to say the least. We did everything that you are told not to do in a “good marriage.”:
We had our daughter eleven months before the wedding — which by the way, the marriage wasn’t even a thought until about two months before it happened. We got married with NO GUESTS in Vegas, and that was decided only two weeks before we tied the knot.
We were 20 and 21 years old.
We weren’t established in careers.
We didn’t own a house, or have any desire to.
We weren’t even really that happy being around each other on most days.
Why did we get married if everything was wrong about it? Because we both knew that we did love each other, and that we wanted to make it through anything together. Of course, being naive at the time; we had absolutely no clue how trying the marriage really would be.
Like every marriage (especially at a young age), there are infinite amounts of arguments that are going to happen. Ours? We fought about jealousy issues, each other’s friends, and who knows what else along the way. My most trying (and recent) curve ball that has been thrown into my marriage? Helping a husband who is finally coming to terms and getting help with a drug addiction.
So let’s break that down!
Jealousy – Going any place without my husband (or vice versa), even to lunch with my mom, didn’t happen. If it did, the things that were said were so hurtful. We both learned that staying home was just the best way to go.
Friends – I never have had a best friend or close friend that I could call when I have a bad day, so for me that didn’t matter. For him though, there were a lot of guys that wanted to go catch a drink or meet up. For one, I thought that if I couldn’t go with my mom, he can’t go with friends. It’s only fair, right? Throw in that these were people who had no concept of the “family” life that we were living, and the fact that they made horrible choices. Yeah, I wasn’t having it. I think he made the mistake of going out with the guys once, and it ended like a trashy story of betrayal.
Drug Addiction – That will be an entirely different post , but I will say this — we are quickly growing and improving in ways that usually take years. It shoved just a bit more of maturity down our throats.
Throw in some other petty crap and you are left wondering why the hell we are still married.
It’s actually pretty simple. It comes down to knowing your feelings, and having the values in place that have you thinking about granny and grandpa. They didn’t give up on marriage because divorce was just something that wasn’t an option in their day. So if people made it through the same crap years ago, why can’t I? I love my husband, he loves me, and we have two children who absolutely adore being a complete family. If the only thing running against us is personality flaws and challenging (but not concluding) moments, we can always fight that with love and self-improvement. Sounds like some fairy tale BS right? Not really.
After all that we have been through, it has only made me stronger as a person. I have learned to let the little stuff go, but follow my instincts when I think that something is off. He has learned that I am now finding inner peace, and will go ahead and do the things that make me happy — with or without him and his consent. I have found a confidence within myself that allows me to say “screw you” if need-be. I know that I am not shaming my marriage, so why should be afraid as if I were? I assume since we don’t argue about the petty things anymore, he has decided that he loves and trusts me too.
Don’t misunderstand what I am saying, I am not frowning on people who decide to get divorced. I am simply saying that there are many people who should take the time to step back, re-evaluate the marriage, and find out if you really ever did/do love each other. For some, the answer is that divorce is the best option; and that is okay. I just ask that you take the time to be an adult before and during your marriage to self-evaluate and see where improvements can be made. In society today, so many people want to throw their hands in the air instead of putting in a little extra effort. Unfortunately, there are so many children who are negatively effected because their parents decide not to make that effort with each other.
I was supposed to write about my marriage, which I think I have done. My marriage isn’t perfect, but I know that perfection doesn’t exist. Surprisingly, the moments that I always thought would make me resent my husband actually helped me find love for him in a different way. To answer the question “Is marriage really worth it?” — That is something that you need to find within yourself and your partner. For me, the answer is absolutely! The love I have for my husband and the family that we have built TOGETHER is everlasting.
I hope if nothing else, this has helped to comfort you in knowing that those trying moments don’t happen to just you. You are not alone! 🙂